I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
