Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
