Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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