Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
