Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
