I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
