You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
