It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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