I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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