she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
