my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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