Me. At least after what I've been through.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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