DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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