Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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