remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
