Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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