and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
