Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
