On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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