Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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