The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
