My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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