I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
