Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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