Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Already got asked if we're dating
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
