That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
