We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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