I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Vodka?
Forever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
