overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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