she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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