I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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