Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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