My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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