Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everything about him screamed your future.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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