The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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