one might say we're banned from that church
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
