If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
