Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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