apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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