Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
