wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize