Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
