Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You dont lie about slip and slides
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are the jesus of drinking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
