Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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