well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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