I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As shirtless as possible
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
