i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
