I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
