we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize