I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
