I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
