When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
