Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
