ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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