TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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