Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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